Bodog Beat

The battle of egos went down last night during the premiere episode of Celebrity Apprentice. (NBC Images)

Although we are at a time when we are emptying our penny jars for a Taco Bell meal, Donald Trump flies in on his private copter to school the "celebrities," a term used loosely on this show, about how such and such is a billion-dollar industry. That's because the show was filmed last year, before the financial shit hit the fan and Trump himself lost his casino to bankruptcy. And it does feel weird, watching celebrites furiously bake cupcakes then sell them to rich people for as much as $10K a pop (all in the name of charity, of course).

But it's still fun watching the cat fights, the stupidity – and, have I mentioned the enormous egos? So the task for the celebrities is to sell cupcakes. Whoever sells the most, wins. For his part, Dennis Rodman refuses to leave the cupcake van to actually sell the cupcakes because, he fears, his mere presence will cause such a commotion, the crowd will be too flustered to make purchases.

Andrew Dice Clay is kind of a sad spectacle to witness, constantly reassuring everyone (and perhaps himself) that he is the greatest comedian to walk the earth. There's also professional poker player Annie Duke who worries more about giving orders than making sound business decisions. Then, there's Joan Rivers, whose overly-reconstructed face is too distracting for anyone to even listen to her – although she does make a hilarious Mussolini joke during Annie Duke's fierce cupcake-making regime.

So the women out-sold the men by a landslide. It was obvious Trump wanted to boot boring ex-football star Hershel Walker. However, Rodman and Dice Clay are so blatantly useless that even Trump can't justify keeping them around without looking like a total twat – especially since Dice Clay mentioned that he wanted to quit and we all know, Trump hates quitters. Thus, Andrew Dice Clay is the first Celebrity Apprentice of season two to be fired.