Bodog Beat

Hasselhoff showed up in, well, we guess "rare form" isn't the right phrase here. How about "usual form"? So let's try this again, shall we? David Hasselhoff showed up in usual form to the European Music Awards in Berlin and delivered a speech that could only be delivered by someone who had a mouth full of marbles. Or he was drunk off his ass. We're guessing Hasselhoff was the latter.

Yes, Hasselhoff was waaaasssted (like a rock star should be), only he's not really a rock star – although he is in Germany and it's no secret that those crazy Germans do consider him somewhat of a rock God.

Like a true martyr, Hasselhoff walked onstage to “Looking for Freedom,” and since he was in the city where the Berlin Wall fell, he reassured the audience that he really wasn't responsible for the end of the Cold War. Thanks, Hasselhoff – guess they'll have to rewrite those history books.

It will be interesting to see how Hasselhoff's people explain this one. Perhaps he had a cold sore and reacted badly to the medication. Maybe he was jet lagged and also had a bad piece of cheesecake. Maybe he was exhausted from all the traveling and also had a reaction to the hairspray fumes. Whatever the explanation, it won't be "Hasselhoff downed a bottle of Wild Turkey and then took some Xanex and ludes to get rid of the nasty taste in his mouth," which is probably closer to the truth.

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