Dolly Parton Not Dead

by Laura Gosselin | August 25th, 2008

Dolly Parton's breasts will not be among those currently resting in peace at the Parton Cemetery in Greenbrier, Tennessee. (Wikimedia Images)

Dolly Parton's giant 62-year-old tats are still available for your viewing pleasure, as rumors that they would either be set on fire, or buried six feet below the earth were quashed by public relations agent, Pete Owens.

Fox News, who are always on the front lines when it comes to breaking news, announced today that Parton had died of Congestive Heart Failure.

Apparently, Fox News got their story from rumors started at a high school football game. Fox reporters usually hang out in the bleachers to kill two birds with one stone: find breaking news stories and lure 16-year-olds into their windowless news vans.