Bodog Beat

Esquire had some freaky ideas when photographing Jessica Simpson. (Courtesy Esquire)

Do we even need to state the obvious here? Well… this is just not hot. If it is, you should feel shame. Dirty and ashamed.

We started to make jokes about this but then realized WWTDD said it better. So without further ado, this is what they said — pretty damn hilariously:

"The NYDN says this is Jessica Simpson recreating a famous Virna Lisi Esquire cover from 1965, meaning either myself or Esquire has no idea what the fuck 'famous' means. I thought it meant something along the lines of 'very well known.' They seem to think it means, 'something we did once.' Listen to me Esquire, we'll decide what Esquire covers are famous, not you. Every dusty knick knack you have lying around the office isn't famous. If you have Jessica Simpson naked, you don't take pictures of her shaving, you queers. At least not her face. If I got Jessica Simpson naked, you would have to shock my penis back to life with a defibrillator and those paddles because I would hump her 1900 times a day, but you dorks were so busy thinking about boys you had her pretend to be one. Just put Jake Gyllenhaal on the cover in some snakeskin boots and pigtails and licking a lollipop. We both know you want too."

Who takes hot photos but doesn't shave their faces? The Bodog Girls.