Bodog Beat

With "proper English gentleman" Matt Grant as the new bachelor, this season there will be romance, catfights and of course, shattered whore dreams. (Courtesy ABC)

So Season 12 of The Bachelor started Monday night, and as usual, the sequence where salivating girls were fed booze, then given a few hours to impress the man meat before he eliminated half of them was so painful, I wanted to peel my face off. Yes, desperate chicks were pulling out all the stops, including arm wrestling, singing, playing the clarinet and shoving panties in the bachelor's pocket. It was like a beauty contest for the insane.

This season, host Chris Harrison is giddier than ever. "Why," you ask? Well this season’s bachelor is Majaah! Oiy, pour me a cuppa? Yes, kids – this boy's a Brit! Introducing… drum roll please… "proper English gentleman" Matt Grant. Cue idiot girls squealing, "Talk British to me!" Gah. Kill yourself. Or… read this recap, whatever's easier. Read the remainder of The Bachelor: London Calling in Bodog Nation.